Dear Diary + My Introduction
Hi I have not introduced myself in a long time. My name is Katherine but I go by katie. If you are reading this post that means that we connected in someway through family, school, I took your pictures, we went to school together, we are mutal friends on some kind of social media platform. So here I go...I have a saying "dear diary" with a couple of sisters I know from about 10 years ago so this, this you could say is my diary post.
I have a husband and 3 kiddos. I went through a divorce years ago and have a heart for single moms, for people who have struck out, basically for the person who doesn't take advantage of others but rather lifts them up, kinda like the underdog. I was cheated on and manipulated in a very strange way. Therapy helped a lot and I highly recommend it. When you get rocked to the core of something so deep as in an ending to a marriage because you weren't "good enough" or "hot enough" you kinda get a warped sense of your self. So thank God therapy and God helped me realize that one mans foley and thinking doesn't make it truth.
I take pictures because it makes my soul happy. It's the one thing that I could spend hours doing. I am currently obsessed with little tiny squishy babies. Maybe because it brings me back to my latest birth which was Amazing. Or maybe it's just the innocence and the happiness of parents and the warmth and the knowledge that this baby grew and is now living and breathing and is here. The little details are what I love.
If you are like me I have struggled to find what I am good at. I question the things that are in front of me because I have been so rocked before. If I could write a book about the hardships, the trials, the years the locust ate you would see Gods hand in my life. My mom said to me that she believes that God is restoring the years the locust have eaten. And I know without a shadow of a doubt He is doing it right now. And I couldn't agree more. When I was 24 I had my first son, now at 33 I am just starting to see people my age have babies. I felt very alone. If your a mom you know those times when your by your self with the baby for hours upon end. I think I had one friend who was there. Not a lot showed up to help out. Not with the baby but with just being a friend. I went through some trying times. I still to this day probably have a couple close friends who don't even live next to me.
I guess when you walk a road that not a lot of your so called "friends" have walked it's hard to find the people who fit with your soul. I know I just know that that day is coming. But right now I'll focus on the kiddos and my hubby. I'll focus on them loving their family, loving the people who hurt you, loving and helping and waiting not rushing. I'm a world of greed let's try and stop and think about who we are leading. We lead by example. And I am grateful that the people I have in my life, the people whom I chose to keep close are the people who actually made n attempt when I just couldn't. I just couldn't get out of that fog of babies young, then a divorce, the scarring from that rocked me. All I wanted was a perfect marriage with my kiddos and it wasn't there, it wasn't the guy for me, it wasn't this world I thought I had. But I was a baby myself. I never made a career, I never had the time to. I am proud though that at I graduated from college with a BA in Theology and Communication. But that didn't get me anywhere because I got knocked up. But that rocked my world for some time. So like I said I focus on those people that are willing to give you a text hello, drop a latte at your door when you can't even muster up the strength to get out of bed to face the world, open the door for someone younger or older, take the trash out, pay for someone's Starbucks. Go the extra mile because someone's storm may be grater than you could ever comprehend.
Anyways if you know me you know that I love love. My husband has been the greatest healer that I could've ever asked for. He has show me kindness grace mercy and even showed me that I am a beautiful person once again. I will always struggle on the feeling if I'm good enough. But I know in his eyes, I am.
Please feel free to reach out to me about divorce, marriage, babies, photography, love, court houses, abortion, therapy, and learning to figure out who you are, step parents, and much much more. Being open allows you to heal. So Until next time.
Xoxo
Katie Spooner
P. S. I think I might be writing a "dear diary" once a month about topics on all the things above. If in this life I can help one person who doesn't have the strength feel like someone is walking through this with them then I have done what I needed to do through the pain I have endured. No one needs to walk this road alone.
